Monday, December 29, 2008

Am I Confusing Myself with a Pioneer Women?

Driving down the 6 1/2 mile dirt road (should say dirt when it's dry, but in storm conditions, more or less a slippery slope of clay mud with huge puddles which when hit, cover the truck in mud) and (should say passenger, not driver - no way do I feel comfortable driving on a necessary four-wheel drive road under those treacherous conditions - okay, maybe slight exaggeration and road conditions but not my comfort level). My BF and I are going to the cabin for the holiday weekend with a list of projects and bags of food. In less than a week, on the last day of this year to be exact, I will be living at this cabin in the woods, off the grid and without a vehicle. There is a land line and I do plan to get some sort of dial-up internet, no way do I want to pay a couple hundred bucks a month for satellite. One of the projects at the top of my list is learning how to start the generator and charge the batteries - I have relied on (or depended on) my BF's generous share of tasking (word?) over the four years of working on this property.

For the next two days my mind was jumping from "What was I thinking?" "Yes, this is not exactly a seller's market, but does not mean there would not be the perfect buyer for this property" to "Actually, I am a city person and I can always go to the country for hikes" but under all these doubts is the familiar feeling: FEAR. By the third day I started to remember all the reasons for this experiment (subject of different post) and all the things I wanted to do. Some of the things, in no particular order:

1. Read
2. Write
3. Dip in cold river daily
4. Hike
5. Grow food and raise chickens
6. Work out with weights
7. Re-kindle yoga practice
8. Meditate
9. Find a spot in woods and sit daily - a little different from meditation
10. All food prepared from scratch (currently and pre-sabbatical 95%)
11. Here's a crazy one: spend less than $1,000 a month
12. Learn basic carpentry and electrical skills

And on the third day I learned how to charge the batteries - of course it was not that complicated - I had done such a good job of turning my electrical ignorance into a road block of feeling at ease with my decision to exchange city for country living (length of time TBD). Amazing how much of my fear abated by the end of weekend as I remembered the main reason for this life change: TO GIVE MYSELF THE GIFT OF TIME.

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