Mid Life Mid Year Thoughts

To blog or not to blog? The answer for now, obviously, is Yes. As I am not up for FaceBook, this blog will have to serve as my electronic postcard: GREETINGS FROM CABIN IN NOYO RIVER CANYON! From Paris to Ohio to Santa Barbara to cabin - here until Grand Canyon River trip beginning on Labor Day. It's just me + 8 chicks + garden (s) + stack of books + walks + endless chores.

Tomorrow marks my six month anniversary of freedom from 8 to 5 job. Just about one year since I began the decluttering process, giving clothes, jewelery, and handbags to my daughter. Just about ready to do a clothes & stuff inventory.

My newest revelation: How difficult it is for me to settle down and commit - no matter if it is a Person/Place or Thing. (Okay, have always known about squirminess with People). My desire is to wrestle with this "thing" and be able to make this cabin my home for now. When I look back at how much energy, time and money I have frittered away because I was incapable of settling down - ouch! Granted, there are mighty deep scars that caused the running.

What would it be like to say: I am comfortable ENOUGH; I am going to do my best to make this a Home. Of course my mind goes to worst case scenario: what if you do all this work, get attached and then a forest fire rages through destroying it all. The trickster mind can always be quieted - and what if . . . I would do it again.

One of the Thousands of Statues/Sculptures in Paris

What Was I Doing Before Travelling?

I am back now at the cabin - bodily for a couple of days, mentally not yet.

Woke up in middle of night worried about the future - along the lines: What were you thinking? And why does it seem to be a good idea to sell the cabin and give away most of your belongings?

Of course there is no logical answer, only that it seems important to be prepared for something or some thing - And I do have faith/vision that the reasons will be revealed. God, I sound like a mystic in training.

Back to painting the bathroom.

To Paris Tomorrow (Photos of Apartment Linked)

Believe it or not I am not crazy about going on a trip. I leave tomorrow, Easter Sunday. And I foolishly believe I can pack in two hours - maybe not so foolish - will practice what I preach & bring a minimal amount.

Not sure if the destination is the important part of travelling or the Before and After of a trip. All the things I will get done BEFORE LEAVING and all the things I will get done AFTER I return. I had to set up Your Money or Your Life's worksheet/graph before leaving - wow, was that a lot of hand-drawn lines - kind of nice to do something so old-fashioned as a graph on butcher paper, with pencil & ruler. More on Your Money or Your Life AFTER I return.

This week has been spent in getting ready for the trip - as one friend puts it: Getting ready for a trip is kind of like getting ready for death. I was able to go through even more of my stuff & was ruthless as in burning journals, letters, cards (saving the card/picture part for a classroom - apparently schools have next to nothing in supplies - one declutter go-round I gave them a bunch or art supplies and notepads). Good god, I would not want my daughter to read some of my ramblings.

What I am looking forward to is seeing meeting up with my sister - this is her apartment:

www.parisaddress.com/paris-apartment-rental/qs.php?ref=AUG17

Smart girl, she mostly rents it out, save for her semi-annual stays. Thankfully I have a job to do at the apartment - too many white walls! The last time I was in Paris, two years ago, we furnished the place, mostly flea market finds - this time I will find a paint store and get busy.

The idea of just going somewhere for "enjoyment" does not do it for me - there is too much I will miss here at the cabin - my tulips will be blooming without me/the chickens will be laying eggs/the spinach,arugula,kale,lettuce is growing like crazy. Oh well, I will have to make it work in Paris: I am up to the challenge of a budget trip. I will be more than happy to shop at grocery store and cook meals at home. Though I will go for a coffee now and again - would not miss out on the people watching.

Speaking of budgets, on my way to airport will be stopping by Rainbow Grocery to return the cosmetics & hair dye. Going to Paris with the hair color as is - grey or silver or whatever combination it is . . . so be it. And not buying a new pair of shoes - will make it work with what I have. Had to learn the lesson again - whenever I buy something I am dissatisfied and I regret the purchase. I was in the throes of obsession/compulsion for about a week there - phew what a relieve that bender is over!

View From Cabin

Spring has Sprung!

Finally getting the hang of what will work for photo upload - now I have to perform major tune-ups - one cannot tell the white splotch of flowers are trillium.

God Created Hair Color

So I do not have to look like an aging hippie. No offense to those living close to one's ideals and living off the land souls - more power to you. Try as I might, I cannot completely embrace the philosophy. Maybe I have lived too long in the city. Maybe that is a good thing. Maybe it's neither good nor bad, just the way it is . . .

I blame my desire to color my hair on Lyndia. Maybe I could blame it on eating whole foods (rice, beans, vegetables, fruit - all simply prepared) for months.


After a day of working outside during intermittent rain storms, cleaning huge sections of tan oak, broom, poison oak, and other forest "weeds" revealing views of the river previously hidden, I was wet, tired, sore and no energy to cook. Lyndia offered to bring dinner - there is nothing quite like someone else cooking for you, in my book. My supper was freshly caught sole, coated in cornmeal and lightly fried, steamed new potatoes, garden fresh carrots and kale, and a memory I will take to to my death bed: freshly baked buttermilk biscuits and butter - with just the right amount of tang & fluff - and when I say they melted in my mouth, I mean they melted in my mouth.

I know good food when I taste it and this meal surpassed anything I have eaten in an expensive restaurant. I have a hunch most of the food Lyndia prepares is this darn delicious. Even after years of cooking for her family, she still loves the act of cooking - what a virtue - must say I could taste the love in the food. I wonder if she would adopt me.

To send me over the top is another friend who loves food is here for a visit. She offered to bring the food and to cook - does it get any better? For the past few days I have been heartily eating on more great food from soups to salads to meat loaf to smoked fish to roasted chicken. Maybe she would adopt me.

So what does this have to do with hair coloring? As I have gone for months without some of the added luxuries in life - though I have been luxuriating in having my own time - I have a greater appreciation for the items which bring so much joy: I heart food!

I certainly do not need to color my hair, I want to color my hair - something about the appreciation for what can be enhanced - if it can be, and it's not an outrageous proposition, why not?

And I do not want to look like an aging hippie in Paris.

Simplicity: Can foster an appreciation for some things in Life.

Frugality: Does not necessarily mean penny pinching - sometimes okay to choose a luxury item.

Design: My self design side says it is time to spruce it up - enough already of the dirt hippie look.

Why I Love the Internet

For almost a week I have been off on a tangent - due to a comment left on a post (insert link later - when I have access to wireless, not the time or patience right now - but for right now: Thank you Beany!). A reference to Your Money or Your Life, Transforming Our Relationship with Money got me thinking You know Jane, you never actually completed all Nine Steps. Hmm, the obvious question Why Not? I had been obsessed with finding the means to take a year off and not working for the man. The bottom line: I am not financially independent yet. What still needs to be researched and developed is passive income to cover all living expenses.


The work to be done is getting this property ready to put on the market. I have been working like a madman this past week clearing, cleaning and revealing the inherent beauty of this property.

My year off is more like putting all effort into Jane, Inc. and my future financial health.

I love the Internet because I am constantly reminded of my goals. And pick up new ways of thinking about things when I read my favorite bloggers.

More along these lines to follow.

Simplicity: Again, a lot of time and effort required to simplify one's life.

Frugality: Though my living expenses are well under one thousand a month, am still investing in the property to prepare to put up for sale.

Design: All my efforts are being put into designing the kind of life that encompasses the ideas of Simplicity, Frugality and Design.

Sleep

Must say, not the soundest sleep last night - rain hitting the tin overhang, maybe hearing leak inside, maybe hearing bat. And I had stayed up too late stuck on blogs - so many great ones - for example, heard the term Weekend Luddite which I could take on - or better yet, maybe Every Other Day Luddite. But at the end of the day, has my life been enhanced by the hours spent on internet? The answer: No Answer yet.

As I turned on computer this evening, I also turned on timer: 30 minutes.

Will read a book tonight, have the fire going with a mushroom (local), carrot, ginger, rice & tofu soup simmering on top - don't always eat so hippie.

And go to bed early & try, once again to live by Benjamin Franklin's words: Early to Bed, Early to Rise, Makes a Man Healthy, Wealthy & Wise.

Simplicity: This post

Frugality: This meal & double duty on the fireplace.

Design: Lifestyle

Would It Not Be Easier To Have A Job?

My job seems to be to spend the entire day with my self, without the usual distractions of job, news, let alone other people. I better like myself for the most part, but as with any friend, you need a break once in a while - well, without the normal day-to-day stuff to get my attention, I am pretty well stuck with just ME - and I can by annoying

Yesterday I had serious doubts of my choice of places to be - in the middle of the woods - and was feeling out-of-control & vulnerable in my situation - not a comfortable feeling. It had begun to rain (which is a great thing - don't get me wrong) but in this environment when it rains, it's a powerfully loud deluge.

As with most things, it all changed today - good to know feelings are not facts. My job is to be here, with myself, by myself for the most part - and see what happens.

Am I Confusing Myself with a Pioneer Women?

Driving down the 6 1/2 mile dirt road (should say dirt when it's dry, but in storm conditions, more or less a slippery slope of clay mud with huge puddles which when hit, cover the truck in mud) and (should say passenger, not driver - no way do I feel comfortable driving on a necessary four-wheel drive road under those treacherous conditions - okay, maybe slight exaggeration and road conditions but not my comfort level). My BF and I are going to the cabin for the holiday weekend with a list of projects and bags of food. In less than a week, on the last day of this year to be exact, I will be living at this cabin in the woods, off the grid and without a vehicle. There is a land line and I do plan to get some sort of dial-up internet, no way do I want to pay a couple hundred bucks a month for satellite. One of the projects at the top of my list is learning how to start the generator and charge the batteries - I have relied on (or depended on) my BF's generous share of tasking (word?) over the four years of working on this property.

For the next two days my mind was jumping from "What was I thinking?" "Yes, this is not exactly a seller's market, but does not mean there would not be the perfect buyer for this property" to "Actually, I am a city person and I can always go to the country for hikes" but under all these doubts is the familiar feeling: FEAR. By the third day I started to remember all the reasons for this experiment (subject of different post) and all the things I wanted to do. Some of the things, in no particular order:

1. Read
2. Write
3. Dip in cold river daily
4. Hike
5. Grow food and raise chickens
6. Work out with weights
7. Re-kindle yoga practice
8. Meditate
9. Find a spot in woods and sit daily - a little different from meditation
10. All food prepared from scratch (currently and pre-sabbatical 95%)
11. Here's a crazy one: spend less than $1,000 a month
12. Learn basic carpentry and electrical skills

And on the third day I learned how to charge the batteries - of course it was not that complicated - I had done such a good job of turning my electrical ignorance into a road block of feeling at ease with my decision to exchange city for country living (length of time TBD). Amazing how much of my fear abated by the end of weekend as I remembered the main reason for this life change: TO GIVE MYSELF THE GIFT OF TIME.